getting Better.

Getting sober was really sad for me.
I got up one day and ordered airport tickets.
I gave away my things, possessions that could be replaced.

I brought memories of sadness with me.
The six year-old by my side and the fetus within my womb.
Four suitcases and plane tickets and no plan to speak of, only my faith in God.

That was March 5, 2006.
I am a different person now.
I tell myself that was nearly four years ago.

I lay down four different nasty substances.
I put away cocaine, meth-amphetamine, alcohol and marijuana for good.

You can't be a good mom and an addict.
I couldn't go to rehab b/c I couldn't take my oldest son with me.
It was necessary to travel 3,000 miles away in order to test a theory.

My theory was right.
I had to acknowledge that I wasn't in control.
I had to acknowledge that my children weren't mine at all.

The state could take them from me if the wanted to.
I didn't want that to happen. I love my kids.
I did heal and I will tell you how.
That's another story.