Tim Passed Away in September of '08

Tim passed away in September of 2008 right before his birthday. It was really very sad. He suffered a long, long time while battling Cirrhosis of the Liver. He had 9 months of sobriety when he passed away. He suffered every major infection, surgery on his intestines, collapsed lungs......they had to trake him (tracheotomy?) and spent most of the time in and out of the hospital while waiting on kidney and liver transplants. (Dialysis) Multiple blood transfusions......most of the time his white blood cell count was too off to perform any kind of major surgery like that......he was on a liquid diet for most of the time.....he wasted away to just above or below 100 pounds and his stomach was severely distended.......he remained positive and hopeful but stopped drinking too late........when he passed, it wasn't until mom said, "I love you honey. I release you." I can only imagine how painful......how dragged out......how exhaustive....I didn't go to the service ( a small chappel with a beautiful AA speaker meeting) He was surrounded by friends of AA - a beautiful service. Was later cremated. Mom wants to be cremated and for their ashes to be mixed together and then she said she dosen't care what we do with them...; They traveled a lot together. They went on a cruise down throughout Mexico Coast and went to San Simeon a lot to see the ocean, the seals, and Hurst Castle. He and I made peace. He is the one who called after seeing Lucas just one time when he was about 9 months old....he wanted us to have a car. I knew something was wrong. Up until then, he had never phoned me. But he expressed how proud he was of my sobriety and relocating from California to Missouri to get off Meth, Cocaine, Weed and yeah, lots of alcohol. This car provided us the means to get around after taking the bus for a year and a half. This car provided us the means to get a good paying job b/c he had sent $2,500 for us to purchase this wholesale '96 Pontiac grand am. I never asked for the money. He just sent it. When mom bragged about Tony and Joe being in college (and subsequently living with her) he said, "BUT you always got the BEST grades" -- he saw recovery as a minor setback. This took place the last time I ever saw him beside the Stoney Creek Inn swimming pool - mom had left to used the restroom. He was extremely proud to be a grandpa - he loved both Isaac and Lucas VERY much. Although it was hard for him to accept the fact that they were interracial at first. We spoke for a long while on the phone when he returned to California and later called about sending the money to get the car. We made our amends effectively. This was for the greater good and my pride would have never allowed me to "ask" for that kind of help. When it came time to accept that job with the state it would be one month before I received my official check after Christmas in '07 and they sent $1,000 so that I could keep this job and succeed. I am very grateful. When he became very ill, I wanted to visit and at his request I stayed home. His memory faded in and out and when he lost his ability to speak, he was very concerned about our family and how we were doing. I sent pictures and mom would show them to him in his weakened hospitalized state......I grieve this still to this day. I am filled with regret for being unable to go be there. However, he is in a better place. He told me, that he always just wanted to be a father to his daughter where I was concerned. He is and was the only father I have ever known. We had a semi-decent childhood by all means, and I credit him for any and all common sense that I possess. I made plenty of mistakes, but he always reminded me to make a "list" of pros and cons, and reinforced positive goals and the ability to go forward and never backwards. He will be missed. He said that he really admired my drive, my stubborness and inner-strength. Even when I thought those things had flown far away from me, they remained close to my heart. It's is important to me to this day that he reinforced "who I am and who I am not" when I thought I was at my lowest. He commanded so much respect and I have so much admiration for this man. I always will. Mom was incredible through it. She is pursuing her RN Bridge program with a vengeance. Two of her three sons have married, and Joe and his wife just had a little girl. Mom is thrilled. Death is tranformative. She is seeing someone from AA - exhausted- tired and overwhelmed much of the time. She had Gastric Bypass surgery and her schooling cost no less than $67,000 dollars. She is 52 years old and I hope that she achieves all of her dreams. She has 2 great danes and is very busy - has softened her approach and disposition somewhat to allow her to be more flexible. She attends AA meetings regularly and is 10 years sober. Her AA birthday is April 12. She will be eleven then. Thanks for asking